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There’s a chair at my aunt and uncles home in northern Minnesota that I’ve always loved to sit in. It faces the forest, imperceptibly dim after the evening hours, yet vibrant more alive then, alighted with distant stars overhead, and the very seldom Aurora Borealis. Often, something would beckon me out to the little rocking chair after a long day’s work was done; an indefinable longing of sorts to sit awhile and just watch the gentle darkness encircle the forest of the world.
I learned much in those days, fulfilling the ancient Greek axiom to “know thyself.†In those minutes and hours slowly rocking while the world dimmed, life seemed like a different thing. It was as though time paused for a time, and instead of living, I was quietly learning how.
Sitting outside,
Waiting for the stars to shine,
Waiting for my life to shine,
As it does in my dreams,
And these nights now mean more to me.
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Tick Tock, Tick Tock,
Time is just a manmade clock.
Soon come the stars and next, what then?
It cannot be written with ink and pen.
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I felt and odd resolve, at that time, to simply observe life, pondering what purpose the Lord would have for one like me, and refusing to spend the wages of my life until I found those things truly worthy of striving and fighting for. A familiar verse comes to mind. From Psalm 130: “My soul waits for the Lord, more than the watchman waits for the dawn, more than the watchman waits for the dawn.†What shall I wait for if not wisdom? What shall I wait for if not a vision of what to spend the wages of this life of mine upon?
It reminded me of an ancient Chinese Proverb: “Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.†For my own part, my life has been something between a daydream and a nightmare. I can see the dream of the kind of man I ought to become and the life I ought to fight for, but I have also felt the nightmare of what I have already been nipping at my heals. I have done everything that I can. What I will become, and all that I’ll do, is now only by the grace of God.
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