Category Archives: Romantic Thoughts

I’ll admit it, I’m just an old fashioned romantic. I can’t help myself. Hope you like these romantic thoughts.

Solitude and Intimacy

July 11, 2009

Being a romantic, I love thinking about idealistic terms.  What is intimacy, and what is solitude, and why in the world would I pair them together in a short blog post?  The two words intrigue me, because even though they seem like opposite, they are in fact very similar.  For define the two terms in this way:  Intimacy — an intense closeness with another.  Solitude — an intense closeness with oneself.

During my more formative years, I was privileged enough to have enjoyed long periods of solitude and reflection.  I learned much about myself and life, excelling in the ancient Greek maxim that simply states “Know Thyself.”  I came to realize something surprising.  The more time I spent alone, pondering life and what kind of man I would become, the more I seemed to grow in genuine relationships and intimacy (platonic) with the people close to me.  I realized that the more intimate I am with myself — the more I know my passions, my purpose, the more I grow in character — the more intimate I will be able to be with others around me.

Genuine intimacy, even in a platonic, friendly sense, takes both confidence and humility.  Interestingly enough, those were the two things I grew most in from my times spent alone with myself and the Lord.  The more I came to understand myself, the more confident I became; and the more I came to understand life, the more I wanted to grow in humility, realizing full well that I am no better than other men who have come before me, and that I will be alive for only a short while and then be gone.

Being a romantic, I have always longed to have deep intimacy with the one whom I’ll one day spend the rest of my life with.  But what I didn’t realize until just recently was that my ability to be intimate with someone, will most likely be a direct result of how intimate I have been with myself.  It’s an odd, ironic truth, but I hope it’s as interesting to you to read as it was for me to discover.

But this is become a scarier and scarier truth.  With our current Age of Communication, of texting and Facebook and everything else, solitude is becoming a very lost art.  It is not only shunned, it’s becoming despised as outdated and dead.  People don’t seek solitude much anymore.  I fear that an entire generation will live so completely connected to one another, that only a few among the many will genuinely break free to learn what things solitude has to offer.  I guess we’ll have to wait and see.


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Romantic Notions — Love is Vulnerability

June 30, 2009

Awhile back, while living in the woods of northern Minnesota, I started pondering some romantic notions about the nature of love and falling in love someday.  I was alone in my aunt and uncle’s log cabin, so you can see why romantic notions might be on the mind :)  What got me thinking about love, falling in love, and other romantic notions was because I had written a poem about what it would be like to fall in love someday. I’ll share it with you, even though it’s one of my earlier poems and I don’t like sharing a lot of my earlier work. But… I need it in order to discuss the following ideas, so I guess I have no choice :(

I cannot wait to be known by you

To be known so fully

Known through and through

To be made wholly

Be made anew

And to feel all fears washed out of view

When I first composed this poem, I learned a very interesting truth about love. Though I cannot say for sure, it seemed to me that the greatest thing about love was also the thing that men are often most afraid of — vulnerability and commitment. Being fully known by someone seemed like such a manifold and inexpressible treasure, and for a long while, I couldn’t understand why people were so eager to shy away from being known, wanting to keep themselves an island apart.  Just to be known completely by someone, and only one person, seemed like such an amazing thing to look forward to, I couldn’t understand why other people didn’t seem to perceive it in the same way.

In my book Shadows on the Edge of Town (sorry to do a little advertising here) I talk a lot about the opposing natures of freedom and safety. In life, so many people just want to feel safe, I’m talking more emotionally than physically. But what we don’t realize is that emotional safety is often opposed to true freedom. Why is that, you ask?  There’s a verse in the Psalms in the Bible that’s always spoken volumes to me. It was written by a man talking about himself to God. He said of himself, “I do not hide your righteousness in my heart.”

When I first read that verse, I felt convicted as a man. I knew that I myself often hide the good things I have in my heart, not wanting to make myself vulnerable for the sake of those around me. I often choose emotional safety over freedom.  If I’m afraid to be who I really am, then I’m never really free.  When I’m not willing to be vulnerable to people I love, then how can I ever say that I’m free?  And once I realized that, I came upon a very significant set of truths. 1) In order for me to really love someone, I have to be willing to make myself vulnerable to them, not hiding the things that are in my heart. 2) Therefore, one of the most loving things I could ever do for anyone is simply to better myself, become a strong man worthy of respect, who doesn’t need to be afraid of the people around him — a man of true freedom. I think that’s why it says in the Proverbs, “The wicked man flees though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion.”

It’s odd to think that bettering myself is really a genuine form of love. Strengthening my character, becoming a better man, is really one of the most loving things that I could ever do for the people around me, because only a strong man of character is courageous enough to be vulnerable with those around him.

But coming back to the romantic notions I spoke of earlier. It seems to me that so much of falling in love with someone, the foundation if you will, is built before two people ever meet. My capacity to love anyone is directly influenced by my strength of character and my willingness to be known. That’s why I love something that Paul in the Bible said. “If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.” That’s the place I want to get to. Thanks very much for reading. I’d love to hear your thoughts.


20 Comments

Confusing Romantic Notions

June 29, 2009

I’ve said some overly romantic things recently that have seemed to confuse some people. I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about a date I was supposed to go on. He was excited for me, knowing that I rarely ever go on dates, thinking that maybe I had finally changed my ways. I quickly squelched his excitement however, telling him that I wasn’t in a place where I could go out with someone, even if she was amazing.

Tilting his head sideways, he gave me a confused stare, and finally commented, “You’re being way too hard on yourself. Don’t waste an opportunity just because you don’t have all your business affairs in order and aren’t yet financially stable.” I smiled at him, understanding his sentiments, and thinking of how I could best articulate my odd romantic ideals. People think it’s a backwards mentality for me to want to make something of myself before allowing myself to pursue someone. They think I’m missing out on all kinds of great opportunities, being far too self-critical, not realizing that the right girl will only help me along in my endeavors, not hinder me.

For me, that’s not really the point. I’m not looking for someone who can help me along as I start my business of book selling, supporting me as I build a foundation from scratch. Unfortunately, I’m a romantic. That means that I’m looking for someone whom I can give everything to, someone whom I can sweep off her feet. When a girl falls in love with me, I want her to think, “Wow, this guy is amazing and rare. I haven’t met anyone like him before.” Not that I have to be rich and famous in order for this to happen, I just wouldn’t feel comfortable as a man if I didn’t have as much as I could give to offer her. What’s wrong with wanting to sweep someone off their feet? Sure, it’s old-fashioned and horribly out of date, but is there really something wrong with waiting to be in a relationship until I’ve made something of myself as a man?

It’s a mentality that seems dead these days, but I want to revive it. People these days are looking more for what makes them happy, not really concerned with what they have to offer someone else. I cannot abide that kind of mentality. What’s the point of love if all we’re concerned with is finding someone that makes us happy? Shouldn’t we be more concerned with being the kind of person who makes someone else happy? I don’t know. Maybe I’m just way too much of a romantic to have a hope in our modern age. Tell me what you think.


17 Comments

A love of love

June 18, 2009

I think more than anything, I am in love with the idea of being in love. It sounds like an odd, or even juvenile statement, but it has come from many hours of pondering. Most people would look at a statement like that and say: “You shouldn’t put so much hope in love. You have too high an expectation.” I agree with those who would say that. What I am trying to say is something different which I will try and articulate.


Most people are devoid of a healthy longing for the finer things in life. How many a man is completely resigned to his lot in life, settling for nothing more than the simple pleasures right in front of his face, sadly convinced that great and wonderful things aren’t possible for him in this world? But how can we live life in such a way, knowing that the time is short? I think of a favorite Bible passage:

“Each man’s life is but a breath;

Man is a mere phantom that goes to and fro

he bustles about, but only in vain

he heaps up wealth not knowing who will get it.”


In this world, our time is short. The meaning and passion we find in life truly are momentous and worthy things, and we should take delight in the fact that we are allowed to be a part of them.


There’s a simple scene that often plays through my mind. One day, however long from now, I will be in love with a girl, and she will rest her head contentedly on my shoulder. I’ll look over at her and smile and she’ll smile in return and she’ll squeeze my hand tightly, and we’ll know that what we have is something rare. Half of the joy of being in love will be the realization that I have been given something truly grand and wonderful in life – that life is short, and though I am just a breath, I can be a breath breathed deeply.


When I say that I am in love with the idea of being in love, I do not in any way mean to say that I’m placing all my hope in someone else to fill up what’s lacking in my life. Rather, I am in love with the idea of what love is, that I will one day get to share in it, and though the time is short, we will make our time worthy of remembrance.

Many people don’t take this view of romance. They view the world as mundane, already having had many relationships in the past, romance looks much less shiny than before. But they don’t realize that when a person approaches life this way, without hope of truly grand and wonderful things, protecting themselves from being vulnerable, the result is simple mediocrity, a life lived in the shadows.

You’ve often heard the business slogan “You have to give before you can get.” Oddly, this is how I feel about romantic relationships. Half of how our romantic relationships turn out will probably come from what we think about them beforehand. We we give enough of ourselves to allow ourselves to dream of the possibilities in the world? Or will we live with small expectations, enduring life more than living it? Thanks for reading.


10 Comments

Love and Admiration

June 13, 2009

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I’ve always been a romantic. For a long time, I tried to discover just what it was I wanted out of love, what kind of girl I was hoping to find.  At last, I can safely say that the one thing I’m searching for is someone whom I genuinely and deeply admire.  Most people, it seems, just want to find someone with a good sense of humor, someone they can relate to and have fun with.  I want something more.  I want someone who I admire deeply.  But what does that mean exactly?  What does it mean to admire someone deeply?

For my own part, it seems as though I most admire things that are foreign to me – character traits and qualities that I don’t possess. For this reason, I admire courage and boldness, because I don’t believe myself to be a bold or courageous man.  When I began to think about this, I realized something very interesting.  As I pondered the notion of what it meant to admire someone deeply, I realized that I greatly admire femininity in general.  The most primary reason why is because femininity has always been a foreign concept to me. Now I don’t want anyone to take what I just said the wrong way. I am definitely not a stereotypical macho man who thinks that unless you spend 5 hours in a gym everyday, you’re a girly man. However, I have always tended to be very masculine. Doing manual labor is my favorite type of job, I love almost any sport I try, I love being in good physical shape, and I absolutely can’t live without adventure.

The reason I say this isn’t to sound egotistical, but rather to explain why I admire femininity so greatly.  I’ll give you an example. Being someone who doesn’t waver very much emotionally, I’ve been in cases where I’ve admired women who are very open and comfortable being emotional. Not long ago, I was having a conversation with a girl about something difficult that was happening to her, and during our conversation, she began to cry. I remember being struck in that moment, thinking she was an amazing person, trusting me enough to be that vulnerable in front of me.

The conversation continued and I tried to say what I could to cheer her up, thinking that nothing I could say would bring her any consolation.  But to my great surprise, she let me cheer her up. I prayed with her and encouraged her and she quickly began to laugh and smile. I found myself admiring her greatly, mostly because I knew that it would take great effort for me to do what she had just done.

It what then that I first began realizing that I wanted to find a girl whom I could genuinely admire deeply.  Another thing that I admire is feminine beauty. What I mean is this: when a girl is beautiful and she truly knows it, and humbly basks in that knowledge; when she knows that her beauty is worthy of admiration, and shyly and humbly basks in that knowledge, that is something that I greatly admire.  I admire it because that is something I will never know; finding humility and thankfulness through beauty.

Hopefully at this point I have clearly articulated my desire to find someone whom I clearly admire.  But now I want to transition to the next level. Through pondering this idea, I’ve come to an interesting truth. More and more I have discovered that my ability to genuinely admire a woman is somewhat linked and dependent on what type of man that I myself am. Being the old-fashioned romantic that I am, I’ve always fallen for girls who are sweet, caring, shy, and willing to be vulnerable emotional. Because I have always striven towards masculinity, I find that more and more I admire femininity.

Once I realized this truth about admiration, I felt suddenly free. I have always known that I wanted to find a girl that I can genuinely and deeply admire. But what I didn’t realize until recently was that I could influence my ability to admire a girl by the kind of man that I become. It is almost a direct correlation that the more I strive toward being an honorable man — courageous, bold, wise — the more I will admire those complementary qualities of femininity — beauty, kindness, emotion.  Who I become will dictate who I will love, and in that there is freedom.  Thank you for reading.


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