There was a long road just next to the house where I lived nicknamed the “Dike Road.” It was named that because the road separated the side of town that flooded during the rainy season from the side that stayed dry. All the houses in that area were raised on wooden beams and the residents would travel by boat when the waters rose during the rainy season to the markets and everywhere else they needed to go.
Rain, in southeast Asia, is something altogether different than here. Here we avoid the rain, escaping its touch with jackets and umbrellas and swiftness of foot. But there, the rain is different. The rain was the only truly clean water you’d ever encounter, and it would fall with such ferocity that a person could barely see their own hand stretched out in front of their face. I often would venture out of doors during the fiercest storms, stand in the courtyard and let the rain wash over my whole being. The rain was never cold, even in the winter months, and standing in the midst of it, a sense of timelessness would emerge, and one would get the distinct impression that all was right in the world.
It’s odd to feel that way, a deep sense of well-being, especially when there’s so much desperately wrong with the world. Just yesterday, in my home town of San Diego, we learned the a 17 year old girl who had gone missing a week before had been found murdered and buried by a lake she often jogged around. The world is indeed a dark place. Feeling peaceful in it and content about it seems like ignorance and folly. I’m very conflicted. I love nothing more than being on a lonely morning trail clad with mist, feeling alive and feeling like the world is full of possibility. But the world is a desperately dark place, full of tragedy. How could I find contentment and peace roaming the same trail that a 17 year old girl was murdered and buried on? I don’t know that I ever will again. It’s easy to simply forget and move on. But there’s a verse in the Psalms that convicts me: “They are enclosed in their own prosperity and have shut up their hearts to pity.” I don’t want to be like that.
I’m still trying to figure it all out. Is it fine to find peace and contentment in a world that houses so much darkness? Or is it better to ever be reminded of tragedy and keep it hidden in the recesses of the mind?
22 Comments
i think if we let the hard memories rule they will taint all, stealing joy out of the places like the dike road…
Yes, you’re probably right. I’m just a little downtrodden at the moment. But we can’t let those feelings win the day.
Oh Ben, your entry starts out so full of the promise of renewal and takes such a sad turn. I am sorry you are feeling sad today.
Myself, I am guilty of often ignoring the tragedy in the world. But I do so because if I spent time dwelling in the negativity, I could not offer as much hope and well being to others. We all need a time to mourne our human condition just as we must take time to celebrate it. “To every thing, there is a season and a time to every putpose under heaven.”-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Genevieve, that’s a good verse to remember. Thank you for sharing it with me. It’s hard to find purpose in the midst of tragedy, but the purpose is still there somewhere. I will do myself to celebrate humanity today
I agree with Genevieve. We do need time to mourne and time to celebrate. We need to see the reality that we do live in a world that has evil and brokeness. It is a terribly sad thing. At the same time, we need to remember that God is so much greater! He has come in love to rescue and redeem. We have a reason to live in hope: a confident, expectant hope.
The verse I cling to is John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
The enemy is the one behind all the evil. Not only did he want to destroy that young girl’s life, but he wants to steal from everyone else’s life that has some kind of connection with her…like you, who have been touched by this loss. And while grief is good and we can trust God in our pain, God doesn’t want us to remain in that place. He has come to give us life to the full. Complete joy, peace, love, contentment. The only true healing we can find is in Jesus.
I pray that He ministers to your heart today, just like the rain washing over you in Cambodia…and even MORE. God is the Creator of the rain, and He desires to pour His living water in your life.
“You, dear [Ben], are from God and have overcome them, because [God] who is in you is greater than the [enemy] who is in the world.” 1 John 4:4.
Thank you Erin, for your words of encouragement. I’ll be mindful of that verse at the end, whenever I feel hopeless about the world. “He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” That’s a very inspiring verse. Thank you for sharing it with me.
It’s just tough to think about. We always tell people that God loves them and has a wonderful plan for their life. But he doesn’t always have a wonderful plan for everyone’s life. Some lives end in bitter tragedy and there’s no explanation as to why. It’s just hard, is all. But I won’t let it keep me downtrodden. You are a very encouraging friend. Thank you for your thoughts.
I always look forward to your Cambodia Motorcycle Diary entries–thank you for this latest one, Ben. Your description of the rain and standing out in it makes me want to jump on a plane and experience that for myself.
I am sad and confused and baffled by what happened to Chelsea King, too. I don’t have the words yet to express how I feel. I still want to believe the world is good, and that good prevails, but I’m struggling now, too. Hang in there.
Thank you Jodi. That’s very kind of you to say. It’s so sad that that could happen right in our backyard to such a young girl. My sister lives 5 minutes from there. I can’t even believe it.
You’re welcome, Ben. I’m glad you are encouraged. I agree, it is hard.
I happen to disagree with this, though: “But he doesn’t always have a wonderful plan for everyone’s life. Some lives end in bitter tragedy and there’s no explanation as to why.”
I believe God always has good plans for people. The explanation as to why terrible things happen is because we live in a world with evil and a very real enemy, who is out to destroy people’s lives. He attacks people directly or indirectly through other people’s free will. It’s a sad thing, for sure.
Yet, in the same breath, we have a reason for hope in Jesus. He has more love for us than we can even imagine or comprehend. Only God can bring true and real healing and redemption…people just need to choose to let Him in.
Hmm, I’ll have to think about that some more. I don’t know that if God plans something, someone else’s free will can change his plans. Otherwise, I suppose I wouldn’t call it a plan, perhaps just a good intention
As it says in Romans 11: “For God’s gifts and his call are irrevocable.” The gifts God chooses to give, I don’t think the Devil can take away, even using other people’s free will. Like it describes in Job, the Devil can only do what God directly allows.
People have the choice to either walk in the good life God has for them, or to reject it. It’s the same as salvation. People have the free will to receive God’s gift of salvation or they can reject it. People can choose to yield to God and walk in the good purposes and plans He has for them, or they can choose to turn their backs and continue to walk in brokenness.
But, “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”
2 Peter 3:9
Plus, in the beginning, Adam and Eve had the beautiful gift of being in perfect relationship with God. In their free will, their choice, they chose to eat of the fruit, which consequently caused brokenness in their relationship with God and others. Their choice, their free will, resulted in them missing out on God’s gift (and it was the snake, Satan, who influenced them to do so). BUT, God loves us so much, that He sent Jesus to restore our relationship with Him and with others.
Part of me wishes we could travel to Cambodia to experience the rain right now. To let it wash away everything that has happened. I really could use the refreshing…
What I hold to be true is that there needs to be a balance between having peace amidst the darkness, yet always being aware of its existence. Perhaps I forgot that. This darkness has been strong, and I find myself overwhelmed. However, I’m hoping that somehow, someway, the Lord will continue to be His incredible self and return peace to our hearts…
One more thought… I just really care, Ben. You’re a great man and a good friend. I’m glad you’re thinking through things, seeking God and Scripture. I don’t have all the answers. I simply share in humility the things I’ve learned on my journey roaming the earth thus far.
When I was touring a Christian apologetics website one day, I came across this article:
http://www.carm.org/apologetics/objections-and-answers/why-there-evil-and-suffering-world
To me, it explained everything that I’ve ever had trouble with it concerning God and evil. After reading it, I felt more secure in my faith because I knew that even though there is pain and evil in the world, It’s not the final word–God is the final word. He has everything in control, and when it appears to be contrary, just remember that He knows the future when we cannot. He knows everything while we cannot. So just merely knowing that I’m in the hands of the living God puts me at ease because evil and pain doesn’t have power over me. Pain and evil are used by God for His glory (”And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28). According to His purpose. He purposes many wonderful (but often painful) events for me, but for my good and His glory. Pain is an opponent of God, but then God turns the tables and receives glory through that pain because He has the ability to work through the pain and show us His love. God is not, however, a chess player occupying both sides of the board, as many people portray Him to be. He allows us to have free will, but He also allows Himself to control things without endangering our free will (like prayer, miracles, and the cross and resurrection). He has done ALL that He can to save us, we can only accept it or reject it. So that applies to dealing with pain too. Do we allow God to work through pain? Or do we allow pain to work through us and destroy our hearts?
This is a fallen world, but since God gives us free will, He requires us to freely choose Him if we are to find peace in the pain. Also, if we don’t have free will, then we could never love. So it’s the price God pays: We can choose to endure the pain and hate Him, or choose to endure the pain for His glory and our good.
God’s sovereignty is no doubt a mystery, but as long as He knows me and I know Him, I’m at peace.
Hey Alex,
Thanks so much for your comments. That’s funny that you mention CARM. I actually know that man who started it. I’ve met him many times and have had a few theological discussions with him. He’s very sharp. I’ll definitely check out that link. You’re thoughts are very well stated. I agree that God can use anything, even pain and suffering to produce good. It’s just tough when it comes at such a high expense. But I find some comfort in Proverbs 16:4 “God works out everything for his own ends, even the wicked for the day of disaster.”
Hey Ben, my husband told us about that young girl being murdered, he’s always trying to remind our yound daughter how important it is to stay right beside us in a public place.
There is tragedy, yes. Awful people doing awful things. But I do believe there is much more good than bad in this world, so many more wonderful loving people than not. And I think if we look for good things and keep looking for them, we will find them everywhere. So much beauty, good things and good people. God is everywhere with his great love.
Cheers, Brother!
Perhaps we can all find a little answer in the rain. Over here at my place, it has not been raining for a few weeks. The heat is unbearable with bushes fire in dry places and for while the sun seems to want to ‘burn’ up everything. But then the rain came yesterday and washed away the heat for the past weeks. Once again it filled the land with balance. We too need to find peace and balance within ourselves. Do what we can and let go of what we cannot control.
Thanks Jannie. Thanks BK. I suppose you’re right Jannie. If you go out and look for the good things in the world, you’ll find them everywhere. That’s a good thing to keep in mind. And it’s funny that you mention letting go of what we can’t control BK. I was just thinking about that the other day, in regards to the serenity prayer. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.” It’s very good advice.
You met Matt Slick? Haha It sure is a small world
One last word, even though this is indeed a very dark world, God has promised to be with us and in us despite all other evidence to the contrary. The evil (Satan, sin and the world) in this world tries to scare us into doubting God, but we need to hold fast to God’s promises
from my experiences, I have come to realize that even though life is pain, God is the Lord of All! and when I cling to Him, the pain takes on a weaker countenance and I’m no longer frightened because I’m in the arms of our Father 
God loves us so much 
Yeah, I’ve met Matt Slick a few times. I even had a good hour long conversation with him once. He’s really bright.
I agree with everything you’re saying. I guess the thing that gets me isn’t so much that I’m having trouble trusting him or clinging to him, as you say, I just feel really bummed for all the people in the world that have to go through so much suffering. I think of all the children in Africa born with Aids and living in orphanages who will never know anything in their short lives but suffering. I don’t doubt that God has good things planned for my life. I never have. I’m just sad for all the people he doesn’t have the same plans for.
Even Paul said of Israel: “I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, those of my own race, the people of Israel.”
I understand completely, and I agree, out of all the mysteries of God, this is the one that confuses me the most.
I think that part of the reason for God allowing suffering to dominate helpless people’s lives is perhaps because He wants us as His believing and saved children to do something about it. He wants to get our involvement in His plan instead of just doing everything Himself. You see what I’m saying? Like what you’re feeling is a perfect example of what David was like: “A man after God’s own heart.” You (and all Christians should) feel a strong desire to help those who are suffering and lost, and to me, that is God inviting us to be involved in His plan for all His children.
For example, I carry a pain for the lack of truth of God in the minds of my generation, and what I feel called to do is bring the true God back to our society in every way i can and to make people think for themselves who God is. That is why I want to be professor and writer.
I’m sorry to preach, but I just care for you and everyone who asks this question. I’m not saying that I have the answers, and I never will, but I’m continually opening myself to God’s will for my part in the body of Christ. The way I see it, if we are God’s children, then we each have something to do in service to our King
I’m sorry I went a little off topic, but I hope we can grow together as part of Christ’s body and learn more about the God we serve
Even if it’s painful 
God Bless!
Definitely. I think what you say is very perceptive. It reminds me of a passage in Proverbs 24 which says:
“Rescue those being led away to death;
hold back those staggering toward slaughter.
If you say, “But we knew nothing about this,”
does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who guards your life know it?
Will he not repay each person according to what he has done?”
It’s our duty and privilege to help those in need. The fact that there’s so much suffering in the world is just a testament that the Church isn’t doing a very good job. But instead of being overwhelmed by the situation, it’s better to just do what you can, and trust that it’ll be enough.
Thank you for your insights and for the conversation. I’ve very much enjoyed it.
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I think you write superbly, wish I could write this well. Thanks….