Things I’ve Learned While Roaming the Earth

Awhile back, while living in the woods of northern Minnesota, I started pondering some romantic notions about the nature of love and falling in love someday.  I was alone in my aunt and uncle’s log cabin, so you can see why romantic notions might be on the mind :)  What got me thinking about love, falling in love, and other romantic notions was because I had written a poem about what it would be like to fall in love someday. I’ll share it with you, even though it’s one of my earlier poems and I don’t like sharing a lot of my earlier work. But… I need it in order to discuss the following ideas, so I guess I have no choice

I cannot wait to be known by you

To be known so fully

Known through and through

To be made wholly

Be made anew

And to feel all fears washed out of view

When I first composed this poem, I learned a very interesting truth about love. Though I cannot say for sure, it seemed to me that the greatest thing about love was also the thing that men are often most afraid of – vulnerability and commitment. Being fully known by someone seemed like such a manifold and inexpressible treasure, and for a long while, I couldn’t understand why people were so eager to shy away from being known, wanting to keep themselves an island apart.  Just to be known completely by someone, and only one person, seemed like such an amazing thing to look forward to, I couldn’t understand why other people didn’t seem to perceive it in the same way.

In my book Shadows on the Edge of Town (sorry to do a little advertising here) I talk a lot about the opposing natures of freedom and safety. In life, so many people just want to feel safe, I’m talking more emotionally than physically. But what we don’t realize is that emotional safety is often opposed to true freedom. Why is that, you ask?  There’s a verse in the Psalms in the Bible that’s always spoken volumes to me. It was written by a man talking about himself to God. He said of himself, “I do not hide your righteousness in my heart.”

When I first read that verse, I felt convicted as a man. I knew that I myself often hide the good things I have in my heart, not wanting to make myself vulnerable for the sake of those around me. I often choose emotional safety over freedom.  If I’m afraid to be who I really am, then I’m never really free.  When I’m not willing to be vulnerable to people I love, then how can I ever say that I’m free?  And once I realized that, I came upon a very significant set of truths. 1) In order for me to really love someone, I have to be willing to make myself vulnerable to them, not hiding the things that are in my heart. 2) Therefore, one of the most loving things I could ever do for anyone is simply to better myself, become a strong man worthy of respect, who doesn’t need to be afraid of the people around him – a man of true freedom. I think that’s why it says in the Proverbs, “The wicked man flees though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion.”

It’s odd to think that bettering myself is really a genuine form of love. Strengthening my character, becoming a better man, is really one of the most loving things that I could ever do for the people around me, because only a strong man of character is courageous enough to be vulnerable with those around him.

But coming back to the romantic notions I spoke of earlier. It seems to me that so much of falling in love with someone, the foundation if you will, is built before two people ever meet. My capacity to love anyone is directly influenced by my strength of character and my willingness to be known. That’s why I love something that Paul in the Bible said. “If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.” That’s the place I want to get to. Thanks very much for reading. I’d love to hear your thoughts.